My head hurts

There are so many thoughts swirling through my head right now.Studies; Family,the fact that i dont want to go to school,the fact that i want someone to shoot me.I dont understand one word our bio teacher says, or anyother teachers.
Im amazed at how people are all togather and im in Ry's word"all over the place".
I cant seem to concentrate on my studies.
I need to stop taking so many breaks.
I need to get my head in those freaking books who keep staring at me with thier evil eyes.
I dont know how i have so many things on my mind i keep philosophsizing so much, really i keep thinking of god knows what and time just passes by.
I really need to relax, take deep breaths, and make a plan.Make a timetable.DO SOMETHING.
I wish everything wasnt so complicated.
I wish i didnt feel like such an alien on this planet.In this universe actually.
Put on a smile and walk out of this house, i easily decieve so many but can i decive me?If so how long before it catches up to me.
Practicals are coming up and i dont even know half the things there.
Is there an off switch for your brain.please say yes.
Dear God:i believe in you and try to be optimistic and try to look for the silver lining but so far all i see are dark clouds and it dosent even bloody rain. I know i am an ungrateful freak but HELP

Is this a friendly universe

Normally i'd go with a yes maybe.
But nowadys im not so sure.
When did we get so selfish and greedy.Ready to trample all over your "friends"your "family" just to get what you want,What you think you deserve.
You hurt everyone and everything on your way and you dont even care.Reaching for the stars you lose your hold on the earth.
Is that ok?
Is that justified to everyone else?
Dont you have even a bit of consience left in you, a bit of heart left in you.
What are you going to do all alone in this world.No companion no oven to listen to you.Are you so blinded by wealth that you lost track of who you once were.
Funny that i can feel my heart breaking.No really i can actually hear it shatter into a million tiny irrestorable shards much like a glass.
I dont know why i just wrote this.Its been on my mind for a long time.
Listening to music watching the same consisant life pass by in a blur tends to put things in prespective eh?
How did i get so philosophical.
Im trying to figure out what i want from life what i want to ask the universe.Happiness?success?love?
Maybe a porshe or a limbourgini.

-------Time is an illusion said Albert einstine.Id just like to point out to him wheres it going then?

Im a freak

I am a super;big time completely totally a freak.
Only my twisted and wierd mind can find fault in the wierdest of things.
Only I can find emoness in the most absurd places possible.
Really only i can make a completely normal day into a depressing bore ,
I dont understand whats wrong with me.
I should be happy.Im making friends, im getting an award,i got a 16/20 in my bio weekly and im finally cathing up.
Then why the sad face.
Why do i still need 2 plaster a fake smile on my face so no will ask me whats wrong.(I really dont know whats wrong).
I need to make changes in my personalitity in my lifestyle, my "emoness".
Or do i really find comfort in this misery is that why i cant let go.This book the secret says we need to have a positive mind as we give out positive vibes,so we attract positive thoughts,why can my stupid brain no think happy thoughts.They have to be there somewhere.This is so annoying.

P.S. people really need to be thought some manners mainly on how a person is to be treated, i mean u cant just ignore or push away the person whose talking to you and start flirting with some loser in arabic.
Guys need to learn how to treat girls, and learn to edit thier jokes.
And respect another persons space.
I try to be mean and tough but it just gets screwed up because of my stupid consience.