A chanced look at myself in the mirror;a old photo, enough to trigger a escapade of pent up emotions.
I look at myself now, compare my weary face with the bags under my eyes and the frown lines that appear to be etched into my forhead.Compare that to this picture of me taken way back like when i was in 7 or 6.
I cant believe so much has changed.Im a different person,essentialy,i understand more now,i kow things that i wish i ahd known back then.
Like never to love, never to let anyone into your secret fortress.They always break your trust, make you resntful and make you loathe and mistrust everything and everyone.
Makes you a cold hearted ice bitch as one "friend" called me.
When i love, i tend to love.In everypossible way you can love someone.I become this needy and soul-sucking demon-ish person.
I give and I give and yet never get anything in return.
Ive always needed a pair of wings to shield myslef against the cruel and unjust world.I guess ive always been too insecure to experience life for my self.To be independant,which, despite all my claims, im not.
I wish someone had told me before hand that all this was going to haappen, that i was going to end up this miserable wreck of a person.Untrusting and with a semifrozen heart.
What a word right, a friend just now told me she would like to help me.
But can she.
Or am i really so beyond reapir even divine intervention cant save me.
"I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."